So, let's take another deep dive and head into the 2nd chapter of these background tales. As the tale behind the main title song - Mother Earth's death - was personal and emotional one, the same goes with the longest tune on the album; Reset the Morbid Terminus. But before we get to that, we'll start from emotionally lightest track (not necessarily musically) on the album and also chronologically song#2 which is 'fractured cosmic web'.
'Fractured cosmic web' is the only song on the album that is based on older riff ideas, like I've mentioned in past blog posts. We were visiting wife's parents in May 2025, a common visit to town of Tampere, that's all. On the last day of us being there, we had only something like 1-2 hours until our train back to Helsinki was leaving - and I was passing time by jammin' with a "guitar".
I don't have my own instruments there at my wife's folks, but there is an ancient, really beaten up acoustic guitar from late 1950s or so - it was used by my father-in-law when he was kid back in those days. He lost interest after some years but somehow the guitar remained. And still remains. It had been a matter of their family's jokes and laughs until I started playing with it. When I first saw it some 12 years ago, the layer of dust was about thicker than its' wood and it still had 5 strings. Neck was and still is damaged, bent beyond repair. The two highest strings (out of 5) were completely unusable - other one didn't stay in tune at all and other's tuning peg looked like some animal had taken a bite of it. So I asked the folks if it's okay to "tweak" that thing a bit (they were surprised someone wanted to do anything at all with it and gladly agreed) ... so I removed those two strings and also two tuning pegs, cleaned up the instrument and did some very minor tweaking here and there.
Result; 3 string guitar with 3 lowest strings left and an interesting, very low sound. It's hard to describe, but those strings are tens of years old. They might well be, and quite likely they are the very original strings, from late 1950s. The thing doesn't sound like guitar, it sounds more like ... weird upright bass that just barely stays in tune. In a twisted way, it's surprisingly fun to play. I always jam with that thing when we are visiting them. If it wasn't me, they would had thrown that "guitar" into junkyard some 8 years ago. Back then I was like don't throw it away, it's fitting instrument for putting our child to sleep when we are visiting you here. And that was what I was using it for. Occasional jamming and mainly putting child to sleep. Never intended to compose anything with it.
So, I was jamming with that ancient acoustic guitar just some hours before we were returning to home from that trip to Tampere, and suddenly I came up with two riffs that caught my interest. It felt very doomy, so I demoed the riffs to my wife and then recorded the two riffs with my phone and emailed the lofi recording to me, thinking about they might be used for M4D sometimes in the future if I get in the fitting mood?
Well, those two riffs are the two main riffs that formed "fractured cosmic web" in late February / early March as I started working on the song then. Only one heavy midsection riff (which comes again towards the end of the song) got composed at home as extra element for the song in late February. This tune is actually the only song which does not carry any personal life events with it. Though as the package was forming and I got into lyrics writing stage; this song's lyrics of course do connect it to the big picture (of the album) certainly, no doubt about it.
Next up in early March brand new songs started taking shape, first of them was song#3 on album, song which turned into "the beginning of delicacies". Originally it came out as an musical afterthought for "mother earth's death", sort of emotional continuation of the sadness. Beautiful, heavy sadness, I'd say. But what happened as March went forwards, changed this tune kind of - the events gave it its' twisted song title, referring to what I myself suddenly experienced. And affected also its' lyrics, sort of health aspect (from cosmic point of view) crawled strongly into it.
Around middle of March one friday evening I was at one band's (Absoluuttinen Nollapiste, great finnish progerockin' band) gig. Great evening, I really enjoyed the gig and felt like oh life can be good, too (even that mother is going to pass away before summer). It was gig which helped me forget the sadness of my mother's case for one evening. But then, exactly one day later - something happened. I noticed something wrong in my own health, something that gave me quite a scare right away ... I wasn't sure about what I witnessed so I consulted health care through my work on next monday, thinking that perhaps I'm overreacting and they'll just say yeah, watch how it goes some days, it's probably nothing. Instead of that, the reaction was the opposite and I got time for specialist doctor that very same afternoon. So there I went, got physical examination, was ordered into lab tests ... and here's when the story went mentally massive.
To put the long story short; that monday begun period of 6 days of me running into different lab tests and stuff each day. And towards the end of that week it was still very much unclear what is wrong - even the worst case scenarios were possible; death might be on my own doorstep too? I wasn't necessarily afraid, but the situation put me into very dark, black waters for some days. Days passed really slowly, stress was really high I can admit that (being a person who usually doesn't stress too much), I had some very dark thoughts. What if I can't see my kid growing up? What if ... you know how it goes. It made me also think about what my big sister (who passed away in 2023 after just about a year after terminal cancer being found) said to me some months before her life ended; there's one thing she's happy for, the fact that she does not have kids so no kids will mourn for her. I have a kid, born in 2018 so ... yeah.
As I was in the darkest period around third week of March, I thought that well, I can always carry on composing the M4D album and it remains even if I don't in worst case scenario, and at least I don't have to seek for dark moods and tales now ... just take a look at mirror, there you go, man. So that's how the song#4 - 'Reset the Morbid Terminus' - was born.
I started composing that tune totally unplanned musically speaking, but with really dark mindset I'm composing either a song about my own death, or "only" about my horror moments, whichever it will be. Time shall tell. The song came out so easily, slow, brooding, very dark, even menacing song ... but towards the end of composing this song, my mood somehow started to lift (even that I still didn't know what's wrong with me) so the end section of the song evolves into bit different kind of mood (which is reflected in lyrics as well, in the cosmic tale of the song). I felt that I want to think that this song is not about my death, but this is about these horror moments of mine, the moments when uncertainty ruled over everything, when even possibility of death had not been ruled out. And towards the end of the composing of this song I already knew what kind of song will be born next ... not musically, but thematically.
Interestingly, around the same time I was already composing that "next song", song#5 (which turned ouf to be 'the post-entropic light singularity') which came out really fast, I got massive relief as my health examinations progressed. The possibilities for dying soon were excluded yet it was certain I have some health problem which still needs further examination. This was happening at the same time when I was composing a song which I knew would depict "me being rescued from this sudden health mystery situation" ... it felt so fittingly coincidental. So yeah, this 5th track on album is a happy sounding song (to me it is, anyway) and it is literally just that, as it depicts my health situation in late March at health examinations went ahead. Just from cosmic point of view, of course. And again through its' lyrics if fits so well into the album's storyline / big picture.
Well, this leaves only the closing track, song#6, 'at the edge of outer expanse' under analysis.
When I went into composing this 6th track I (again) knew this would be the closing track, it's hard to explain with more details. I just knew. I also had a strong feeling the song order will be exactly the composing order and that the flow will probably be good (this feeling I had proved to be right as the work on the album progressed). This closing track is the other track (other one being "fractured cosmic web") that does not directly deal with personal life events. Yet at the same times it does, lyrically speaking; it is a kind of ... "summary" song for all that happens in the album, written into scifi tale form. And personally I really like how it ends with the lyrics, what goes around comes around as it returns to case of mother earth, the so-called main title song, which opened the album. Even that the there is strong dose of sadness and dark emotions in the album, when I came up with 6th track's ending lyrics, return to "mother earth's case", it pretty much made me smile (instead of crying, hey). Check out the lyrics and you ought to see what I mean.
What about the album's release date, then?
There is of course the release date of this album; 26th May. For someone else that's just another date but for me that date is not just any date; it's my mother's birthday. As the main title deals with her death, releasing this album (as it happened to be finished in fitting time window) on her birthday felt more than appropriate. It felt like perfect tribute to her in that way, too. When it comes to my own health, while it naturally is a big deal to me, that doesn't feel as big matter in this context as in my mother's case - she no longer walks the earth, but I am still here and I managed to do a tribute for her and pour my feelings into it. My own health situation surprise ending into the music does give this album even deeper and darker overall impact, definitely. And how the lyrics connect all of it together, I really like how it turned out. It is a true purification album from emotional point of view and a very personal one at that, for sure.
Thinking about the overall theme, big picture of "Morbid entropic spaces", it's clear to me that beginnings and endings are the key themes in this album. Life and death. Death and life. Something begins, something ends. Something ends, something begins. Strong, personal emotions. Sadness, pain, horror, salvation. Certainly the most personal and emotional release I've ever done for any music project I've had. It was born out of very personal experiences and life events going on - and in the album's case all that gets connected into massive scale of fictional space events and dark science fiction.
You know how it's said in general; pain and suffering creates the best art. Strong emotions poured into art. Yeah. Naturally I've thought I understand it in past, but ... only now I really do.
I like how I got things connected in this album, even if I say it myself. One's life begins and ends - so it goes on a planetary scale, galactic scale or even all existence's scale altogether. It makes sense when reading the lyrics, and from first to last track the lyrics form a kind of chronological tale no matter the scale of it all. Check out how it looks, the flow there is, theme of it all, connections (and reading the lyrics, album's title is connected to about all of the songs, too, literally) :
- Mother Earth's death = my mother's death written into form of a cosmic tale; also earth's end?
- Fractured cosmic web = cosmic tale about entropic decay, connected also to human's life?
- The beginning of delicacies = cosmic tale of individual and/or planet going towards chaos / entropy without not yet knowing what's going to happen soon, expectations are good but..?
- Reset the Morbid Terminus = my own moments of horror / sudden possibility of even death written into form of a cosmic tale; end of existence, what is existence and / or ... end of universe within one individual person, one morbid tale? (cough Celtic Frost cough) ... Also take note; Terminus in the song title and lyrics / tale refers to me / my personal universe, too?
- The post-entropic light singularity = cosmic tale where termination of individual and / or a large system has been cancelled with actions / events intentionally left untold and as a result the destruction (or termination) has been prevented, even turned towards something better?
- At the edge of outer expanse = cosmic tale of space travel towards the borders of unknown, reaching some kind of unexplained conclusion on psychological and philosophical level, something which remains unexplained due to the nature of one way space travel towards the edge of outer expanse and / or all existence? (one might feel some Space Odyssey 2001 vibes here...)
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| late April, jammin' new M4D just one day before mother's death |



