Background tales for 'Morbid entropic spaces' vol. 2/2

So, let's take another deep dive and head into the 2nd chapter of these background tales. As the tale behind the main title song - Mother Earth's death - was personal and emotional one, the same goes with the longest tune on the album; Reset the Morbid Terminus. But before we get to that, we'll start from emotionally lightest track (not necessarily musically) on the album and also chronologically song#2 which is 'fractured cosmic web'.

'Fractured cosmic web' is the only song on the album that is based on older riff ideas, like I've mentioned in past blog posts. We were visiting wife's parents in May 2025, a common visit to town of Tampere, that's all. On the last day of us being there, we had only something like 1-2 hours until our train back to Helsinki was leaving - and I was passing time by jammin' with a "guitar". 

I don't have my own instruments there at my wife's folks, but there is an ancient, really beaten up acoustic guitar from late 1950s or so - it was used by my father-in-law when he was kid back in those days. He lost interest after some years but somehow the guitar remained. And still remains.  It had been a matter of their family's jokes and laughs until I started playing with it. When I first saw it some 12 years ago, the layer of dust was about thicker than its' wood and it still had 5 strings. Neck was and still is damaged, bent beyond repair. The two highest strings (out of 5) were completely unusable - other one didn't stay in tune at all and other's tuning peg looked like some animal had taken a bite of it. So I asked the folks if it's okay to "tweak" that thing a bit (they were surprised someone wanted to do anything at all with it and gladly agreed) ... so I removed those two strings and also two tuning pegs, cleaned up the instrument and did some very minor tweaking here and there. 

Result; 3 string guitar with 3 lowest strings left and an interesting, very low sound. It's hard to describe, but those strings are tens of years old. They might well be, and quite likely they are the very original strings, from late 1950s. The thing doesn't sound like guitar, it sounds more like ... weird upright bass that just barely stays in tune. In a twisted way, it's surprisingly fun to play. I always jam with that thing when we are visiting them. If it wasn't me, they would had thrown that "guitar" into junkyard some 8 years ago. Back then I was like don't throw it away, it's fitting instrument for putting our child to sleep when we are visiting you here. And that was what I was using it for. Occasional jamming and mainly putting child to sleep. Never intended to compose anything with it.

So, I was jamming with that ancient acoustic guitar just some hours before we were returning to home from that trip to Tampere, and suddenly I came up with two riffs that caught my interest. It felt very doomy, so I demoed the riffs to my wife and then recorded the two riffs with my phone and emailed the lofi recording to me, thinking about they might be used for M4D sometimes in the future if I get in the fitting mood? 

Well, those two riffs are the two main riffs that formed "fractured cosmic web" in late February / early March as I started working on the song then. Only one heavy midsection riff (which comes again towards the end of the song) got composed at home as extra element for the song in late February. This tune is actually the only song which does not carry any personal life events with it. Though as the package was forming and I got into lyrics writing stage; this song's lyrics of course do connect it to the big picture (of the album) certainly, no doubt about it.

Next up in early March brand new songs started taking shape, first of them was song#3 on album, song which turned into "the beginning of delicacies". Originally it came out as an musical afterthought for "mother earth's death", sort of emotional continuation of the sadness. Beautiful, heavy sadness, I'd say. But what happened as March went forwards, changed this tune kind of - the events gave it its' twisted song title, referring to what I myself suddenly experienced. And affected also its' lyrics, sort of health aspect (from cosmic point of view) crawled strongly into it.

Around middle of March one friday evening I was at one band's (Absoluuttinen Nollapiste, great finnish progerockin' band) gig. Great evening, I really enjoyed the gig and felt like oh life can be good, too (even that mother is going to pass away before summer). It was gig which helped me forget the sadness of my mother's case for one evening. But then, exactly one day later - something happened. I noticed something wrong in my own health, something that gave me quite a scare right away ... I wasn't sure about what I witnessed so I consulted health care through my work on next monday, thinking that perhaps I'm overreacting and they'll just say yeah, watch how it goes some days, it's probably nothing. Instead of that, the reaction was the opposite and I got time for specialist doctor that very same afternoon. So there I went, got physical examination, was ordered into lab tests ... and here's when the story went mentally massive.

To put the long story short; that monday begun period of 6 days of me running into different lab tests and stuff each day. And towards the end of that week it was still very much unclear what is wrong - even the worst case scenarios were possible; death might be on my own doorstep too? I wasn't necessarily afraid, but the situation put me into very dark, black waters for some days. Days passed really slowly, stress was really high I can admit that (being a person who usually doesn't stress too much), I had some very dark thoughts. What if I can't see my kid growing up? What if ... you know how it goes. It made me also think about what my big sister (who passed away in 2023 after just about a year after terminal cancer being found) said to me some months before her life ended; there's one thing she's happy for, the fact that she does not have kids so no kids will mourn for her. I have a kid, born in 2018 so ... yeah.

As I was in the darkest period around third week of March, I thought that well, I can always carry on composing the M4D album and it remains even if I don't in worst case scenario, and at least I don't have to seek for dark moods and tales now ... just take a look at mirror, there you go, man. So that's how the song#4 - 'Reset the Morbid Terminus' - was born.

I started composing that tune totally unplanned musically speaking, but with really dark mindset I'm composing either a song about my own death, or "only" about my horror moments, whichever it will be. Time shall tell. The song came out so easily, slow, brooding, very dark, even menacing song ... but towards the end of composing this song, my mood somehow started to lift (even that I still didn't know what's wrong with me) so the end section of the song evolves into bit different kind of mood (which is reflected in lyrics as well, in the cosmic tale of the song). I felt that I want to think that this song is not about my death, but this is about these horror moments of mine, the moments when uncertainty ruled over everything, when even possibility of death had not been ruled out. And towards the end of the composing of this song I already knew what kind of song will be born next ... not musically, but thematically.

Interestingly, around the same time I was already composing that "next song", song#5 (which turned ouf to be 'the post-entropic light singularity') which came out really fast, I got massive relief as my health examinations progressed. The possibilities for dying soon were excluded yet it was certain I have some health problem which still needs further examination. This was happening at the same time when I was composing a song which I knew would depict "me being rescued from this sudden health mystery situation" ... it felt so fittingly coincidental. So yeah, this 5th track on album is a happy sounding song (to me it is, anyway) and it is literally just that, as it depicts my health situation in late March at health examinations went ahead. Just from cosmic point of view, of course. And again through its' lyrics if fits so well into the album's storyline / big picture.

Well, this leaves only the closing track, song#6, 'at the edge of outer expanse' under analysis. 

When I went into composing this 6th track I (again) knew this would be the closing track, it's hard to explain with more details. I just knew. I also had a strong feeling the song order will be exactly the composing order and that the flow will probably be good (this feeling I had proved to be right as the work on the album progressed). This closing track is the other track (other one being "fractured cosmic web") that does not directly deal with personal life events. Yet at the same times it does, lyrically speaking; it is a kind of ... "summary" song for all that happens in the album, written into scifi tale form. And personally I really like how it ends with the lyrics, what goes around comes around as it returns to case of mother earth, the so-called main title song, which opened the album. Even that the there is strong dose of sadness and dark emotions in the album, when I came up with 6th track's ending lyrics, return to "mother earth's case", it pretty much made me smile (instead of crying, hey). Check out the lyrics and you ought to see what I mean. 

What about the album's release date, then?

There is of course the release date of this album; 26th May. For someone else that's just another date but for me that date is not just any date; it's my mother's birthday. As the main title deals with her death, releasing this album (as it happened to be finished in fitting time window) on her birthday felt more than appropriate. It felt like perfect tribute to her in that way, too. When it comes to my own health, while it naturally is a big deal to me, that doesn't feel as big matter in this context as in my mother's case - she no longer walks the earth, but I am still here and I managed to do a tribute for her and pour my feelings into it. My own health situation surprise ending into the music does give this album even deeper and darker overall impact, definitely. And how the lyrics connect all of it together, I really like how it turned out. It is a true purification album from emotional point of view and a very personal one at that, for sure.

Thinking about the overall theme, big picture of "Morbid entropic spaces", it's clear to me that beginnings and endings are the key themes in this album. Life and death. Death and life. Something begins, something ends. Something ends, something begins. Strong, personal emotions. Sadness, pain, horror, salvation. Certainly the most personal and emotional release I've ever done for any music project I've had. It was born out of very personal experiences and life events going on - and in the album's case all that gets connected into massive scale of fictional space events and dark science fiction. 

You know how it's said in general; pain and suffering creates the best art. Strong emotions poured into art. Yeah. Naturally I've thought I understand it in past, but ... only now I really do. 

I like how I got things connected in this album, even if I say it myself. One's life begins and ends - so it goes on a planetary scale, galactic scale or even all existence's scale altogether. It makes sense when reading the lyrics, and from first to last track the lyrics form a kind of chronological tale no matter the scale of it all. Check out how it looks, the flow there is, theme of it all, connections (and reading the lyrics, album's title is connected to about all of the songs, too, literally) :

1. Mother Earth's death = my mother's death written into form of a cosmic tale; also earth's end?
2. Fractured cosmic web = cosmic tale about entropic decay, connected also to human's life?
3. The beginning of delicacies = cosmic tale of individual and/or planet going towards chaos / entropy without not yet knowing what's going to happen soon, expectations are good but..?
4. Reset the Morbid Terminus = my own moments of horror / sudden possibility of even death written into form of a cosmic tale; end of existence, what is existence and / or ... end of universe within one individual person, one morbid tale? (cough Celtic Frost cough) ... Also take note; Terminus in the song title and lyrics / tale refers to me / my personal universe, too?
5. The post-entropic light singularity = cosmic tale where termination of individual and / or a large system has been cancelled with actions / events intentionally left untold and as a result the destruction (or termination) has been prevented, even turned towards something better?
6. At the edge of outer expanse = cosmic tale of space travel towards the borders of unknown, reaching some kind of unexplained conclusion on psychological and philosophical level, something which remains unexplained due to the nature of one way space travel towards the edge of outer expanse and / or all existence? (one might feel some Space Odyssey 2001 vibes here...)

Afterword:

My mother died in late April, some 5 weeks after my own health scare happened. I intentionally decided early on that I will not tell my mom anything about my own sudden health scare situation - she has enough on her plate already, and she does not have to start worrying about her other son while her own path in this life is about to end. I'm glad I did not tell. I'm not dead yet. It's still not 100% certain what's wrong with me, but it shouldn't be something soon leading to death. But my own case teached a good lesson to me; even that I felt perfectly normal (and I still do), it's good to pay attention to what's happening in your body. I could had missed the early warning signs easily, but instead I went and consulted health professionals right away - and I am glad I did.

late April, jammin' new M4D just one day before mother's death

Background tales for 'Morbid entropic spaces' vol. 1/2

Thought it's time to write about certain events that led to the birth of 'Morbid entropic spaces' album and how the album shaped into what it is, musically and lyrically speaking. This will be a writing with two volumes and this 1st volume tells about one song only. Long writing for just one song, I know, but there are reasons for this.

In late Autumn 2025 I had no inspiration nor idea/vibes to start making new Mood:Doom aka M4D album. I did have one melody/riff idea from May 2025 saved, but that was all. I had pretty much forgotten that May 2025 melody/riff idea, too - simply because I didn't have the vibes for starting to craft new material for M4D. That all changed overnight in turn of November / December 2025. We (me, bro, our mother) got to know that mom's doc estimated that she has about 3 months life left. She had bone cancer which had finally started taking over after being dormant for few years. We knew the end would come in coming years since she was already 90 years old. Superwoman, who only during his last months went physically into poor condition (I mean, she was doing some physical work at countryside still at 90 years old, because she herself wanted to!) ... but the fact was, in early December 2025 that "she would most likely not live to see the Summer of 2026" ... and she didn't.

But in early December 2025 as the news of her death approaching came, there was sadness and sorrow. Naturally. Because there was nothing anyone could do about it, anymore, but to accept that the end is coming. She had lived a long and happy life full of love and events, but you know, death is death. Those who are left behind, mourn. So it goes. But in early December with the news of this situation came, I was talking about the matter in phone with mom (we lived far away from each other, at the other ends of the country). Very directly and openly, both of us. Both talking about it, at times in tears, naturally - but talking openly about it all. About life and death, about things. The first time we talked about the matter in phone, after the call ended ... I didn't plan anything at all, so I was in a very emotional mood and I just picked up one of my guitars (the most reliable one, Gibson SG) and started playing it while thinking about mom's forthcoming death. Right away I came up with two melodies, and I instantly knew that ... they will form a song which will be about my mother's death. Very doomy melodies, so instantly I knew also that this is M4D material. Not just that but the instant I came up with the melodies, I knew that the song title will be Mother Earth's death. And that's what it became as you can easily see by checking out "morbid entropic spaces" album. I also knew that it will be opening track of ... album? It struck me at the same time, that I think this means a musical flow has begun. The song base came out so easily.

Okay, the thing then progressed so that just some days or perhaps a week later after that phone call and beginning of "mother earth's death" tune - I was talking with mom in phone again, about the same matters, life and death. I revealed to her that I'm composing a song about her death, it will be sad, long song, doom metal style. She was touched by what I told but she then went to state, that it's not just sad thing, for me it is not sad to die, I have lived a long happy life, I am ready to leave all this behind too, of course I know it's going to be sad for you and your brother, but please, could you also compose "happy" music for me, not just sad because it's not all sad? I was like ... hmmmm I can try of course, but I can't promise anything, as when and what I compose is ... what comes to me, comes to me, I don't plan what I compose, that's how it has always been. Can you guess what happened next?

Well, again after that phone call I certainly didn't plan anything and I couldn't be further from "composing happy music" mentally - but as it happens, without thinking I picked up guitar again and right away fast riff comes to me. Bling! This is my version of "happy" for her, and I instantly knew that this "happy section" will be short middle section in "mother earth's death" tune ... and yeah, as anyone can see by checking it out, there it is.

I only started recording M4D music in February, even that I had all of "mother earth's death" ready in my mind in December already. I'd say that Christmas and then January were kind of time for letting the creative vibes stew mentally but then as I went and started recording (first demos, soon final recordings) in February, things started happening fast. As it happens, the first song I recorded for the album, was of course "mother earth's death". As this first blog post deals with this song, which I call "the main title song", I won't tell about the other tunes for now. Instead we'll go deeper into the process of "mother earth's death".

So, from the very beginning of how "mother earth's death" came to be, it was very personal and emotional song. Probably the most personal song I've ever done. Sure, I've recorded "musical obituaries" before (for people and even pets) but this was on all different level. Recording the actual music for the song went like a breeze, and actually only this song and "fractured cosmic web" were songs I first recorded as demos. After these two I recorded final takes straight away as the rest songs happened. 

When it comes to "mother earth's death" I knew it will be a song about my mother's death, but lyrically it will be told mostly from cosmic point of view. I also liked how (from cosmic viewpoint) it connects with 2021's album "down to earth" and certain tunes like (as it happens) the opening track "heaving earth". Just that this was going to be so much more personal level song. So, "mother earth's death" was the first song I recorded guitars over quickly programmed drums (which I later finetuned a lot before they turned into final ones). While the recording was quickly done, the same happened with lyrics, kind of. 

I wrote the lyrics at this point very fast but only for all the slow parts. Mother was still alive during all this in the other end of the country. Then all the other songs happened (about which I will write in next post) and fast forward to April ... during Easter mom was more than fine, there was clearly that time when a person who is about to die, experiences brief time when he/she seems to be in excellent condition - even that he/she is not in reality. Sort of "enlightened" moment, if you could call it that. Day or two later mom's condition collapsed and she was taken to hospital. I knew the end is near ... and I was very emotional. I suddenly felt that now is the time, to write the lyrics for "mother earth's death" song's middle section, the happy fast section, ... yeah ... and the lyrics I wrote, I wrote them as I cried like a river. These lyrics which were born through tears, combine real things with cosmic viewpoint and even now that I read them myself, I am still getting emotional. There is also the irony of these far from happy lyrics were written for "happy" section and it gives quite a contrast to it if you ask me. The lyrics from that section:

Starlight fills her final grave

Mother earth has been saved

Her last wishes were so grand

Feel no sorrow just let me go

Starlight fills her former grave

My mother earth has escaped

Her last wishes can be heard

Just let me fly away like a bird

Starlight is her true second name now

One can do nothing else than just bow

She gave me orders of happiness

Doomed mother earth means loneliness

I'm trying to be strong 

Stop me, it hurts so bad, mother ...

So ... at the same time as I wrote the lyrics, I knew that I will not record the vocals for "mother earth's death" yet, but that I will record the vocals only after she no longer walks the earth. At the same time I had vocals recorded for all the other songs. So, the song which started it all, gave birth to this album, was at the same time the very last song I recorded vocals for. 

Just some days later mom passed away in her sleep during the night. And I went and recorded all the vocals for "her song" just some 12-13 hours later. Talk about emotional vocal recording ... At times I was recording the vocals while on the edge of sobbing, almost crying. And there was of course the middle section ("fast, happy moment" mother hoped me to compose) where I knew I'd let the crying out loud kind of ... I decided to record the vocals many times, like 4-5 times, for a sort of twisted choir with different kind of voices out of which one was really high pitched, pained screaming. The pain in the screaming was and is very real.

I can state that this song - Mother Earth's death - is truly a song where I've poured my emotions - literally speaking. Be it the music or be it the lyrics - and even the "performance" (vocals, especially in that fast middle section) ... this song was literally like music therapy for me. And I can also say, that I'm proud that I created this massive musical obituary for my mother. Now not just memories but also this song remains. Oh and also, with all this background trivia you might look at the album's front cover with bit different kind of thoughts. Yes, it's pretty much visual description (from cosmic point of view and doom metal mood mixed in) of this main title song, Mother Earth's death.

mother and me in mid1970s

Next post will be about the other tunes on the album and if you thought this "main title song" was all there was to tell emotionally speaking, ... well you thought wrong.